Friday, November 20, 2015

JM - 11

I hate being mentally ill.  I hate being poor.  I hate my life.  I hate myself.

My God is not an all-loving God.  That's pretty obvious.  He's petty and vengeful.  An all-good, all-loving, all powerful Being wouldn't allow the suffering in this world.  If you could stop the suffering of someone you love with a snap of the fingers, why wouldn't you help?  Would an all-loving God condemn trillions of souls to hell just because some woman took a bite of an apple millennia ago?

God  seems to enjoy violence and war and torture.  At worst, He fights against us.  At best, He doesn't give a shit about us.

In AA, a "personal" God is recommended.  I don't want to get personal with someone who allows such pain and suffering.

Don't get me wrong; I pray to God every day, many times a day.  There's nothing else I can do.  Ever since I was a kid praying that my parents would stop drinking and fighting, no good has come of it.  Sometimes I think that God is so big and so powerful, he can't hear us.  We're like cockroaches attempting to talk to a human.  We don't understand them, and I doubt if He understands or cares about us.

My God is not Santa Claus.  He doesn't reward you when you do well.  He's a monstrous taskmaster, heaping more and more pain on the poor, the disaffected,  and the powerless.

Don't talk to me about God and free will.  Very little that has happened to me in this life is something that I would "freely" choose.  God rams shit down our throats.  He doesn't seem interested in peace and love, only more blood and suffering.

I'll continue to pray to Him, I'll continue to do "good," but I expect nothing to happen or change.  Liars, thieves, and murderers still rule the world.

Amen.

4 comments:

legal stranger said...

Like at a buffet,
God helps those who help themselves
And like the bible, that can be interpreted in many ways.

OrbsCorbs said...

"God helps those who help themselves" - a fucking cliche. You don't think I've helped myself? You try withdrawing from a 25-year bender. I've given and given of myself to others.

I sponsored a kid in AA, 14 years old. He tried other sponsors and kept relapsing. He finally asked me. I worked and worked with that "kid." He took up kickboxing and spent a year in Thailand by himself learning the martial art. Today he is clean and sober, with a career in the Coast Guard. He's one of those guys they lower from helicopters to rescue those at sea. He's married to another member of the Coast Guard. They have a child now. I guess I should have helped myself, instead.

The cliche is true for criminals. Lying John helps himself to our money, apparently with the Lord's blessing.

Funny how God gets all the credit for the good in the world, but none of the bad. After a winning game, you often hear athletes say they couldn't do it without God. Does that mean the losing team was abandoned by God? Instead of saying, "I owe this victory to God," should they say, "I blame this loss on God."

Cliches are used to maintain the status quo. I am surprised and hurt by your statements. I have busted my ass for years trying to help myself. So, does that mean that God doesn't like me? He rewards others for their work, but not me?

I'm not looking for a miracle from God, just a fair chance. I was damned from the moment I was born into an insane family. That must have been my fault, too.

racinecountycorruption said...

You missed the following comment;
" and like the bible, that can be interpreted in many ways"

An all encompassing and loving god would not allow the suffering in this world.
Some are gifted and some are cursed, and some never have a chance for either.

nicole sweely said...

I've been focusing on jesus. The acts of god in the old testament are too much right now for my infant Christian brain to process so I take it in little bits and apply it by the viewpoint of the being who is greater than all of the universe, to see entire nations as a single thing because he is so large. Though he knows us individually too.
Be humbled enough to know that whatever circumstance you are in or have been through serves a purpose. So accept it. He gave you the power to shape your world through whatever means surround you. That's all you can do.
I don't feel comfortable thinking in terms of "what God can do for me" like Joel Osteen and other preachers like to say. I am just glad he's done anything for me at all, and I am surprised every time something good happens. I just keep working, because I don't expect anyone to help me. Not even god, though I do pray (for others as well myself). It makes it that.much more special to me when good things happen.
Why do we have to be so selfish to think God is just going to cure all of our problems and make everything okay?
so much of life is about learning. To me it is...
I dont think you realize how valuable youve been to others in your life also. No matter where you are, god always has a use and a purpose for you.
Even the disciples suffered through the ends of their lives, and that thought help give me a more clear understanding of how misguided the "what God can do for me" notion is.
Are we here to indulge ourselves? If we do how can we recognize the brokenness of the people around us through the eyes of empathy instead of only pity?
The broken do understand the broken.