Less taste, more Orbs
I've been run down and I've been lied to.And I don't know why, I let that mean woman make me a fool.She took all my money, wrecks my new car.Now she's with one of my good time buddies,They're drinkin in some cross-town bar.CONTROL your bitch! and have some self- respect!ANd your good time buddies think you're a CHUMP!
I've been a chump for decades. My ex-wife regularly fucked other guys. I loved her so much that I ignored it, or denied it, in the hope of keeping her. We had plenty of fights over it. I asked her how would she feel if I was fucking other women. She said I was emotionally too immature to handle it, but that she could. As soon as the money ran out, she left me. A couple of years later, I'd go to AA meetings where guys would recognize me by what I said about my ex. After the meeting, they'd tell me what a swell gal she is and what a fine fuck. I've been told to man up numerous times by different people. I guess I don't know what that is. I'm pretty sure that dad was a cuckold, too. Anyways, he was always too drunk to teach me much of anything.If it means get tough and be an asshole to everyone, then I'm already there. I just have to stop taking my meds.If I start drinking again, it will be 10X worse (better?). I actively seek fights then, and generally rip up my surroundings. That's when cars start getting set on fire. That's when I wake up in winter frozen to the ground because I was KO'ed by some other guy. One time, apparently I hit my head so hard on the concrete that it bled and I was stuck to the sidewalk. I don't know how long I was laying there. I had to rip open the wound to get up.Is that manning up? If so, I think I could do it, but I'd be dead in a short while. I'm 30 years older than when I was a drunk "tough" guy. I have a lot more physical problems now. I don't know if my stomach would take it, or just puke it back up. I suppose I could give myself alcohol enemas, but that's taking it a bit too far. If I'm going to do that, then I'm just offing myself. Indeed, if drunk enough, I'm sure I could off myself. That's all I'd need to tip the balance. Maybe that's the way to go.
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