The blowout at the JT Irregulars left me depressed and “in mourning,” as my ex-shrink put it. For weeks, I’ve been condemning myself and raking myself over the coals. I really do hate myself.
I don’t know how, but somehow I’ve reached the point of “uncomfortably numb.” I went back to my AA basic training to put one foot in front of the other until I got through a day. The days added up. And now, I don’t quite care as much. This isn’t the result I expected, but it’s the one I got.
Luckily, I’ve regained the friendship of a couple that I missed sorely. Things will never be the same, but I count not being actively hated as a “win” these days.
The site, of course, is blown to shit. I don’t know how much longer I’ll post open blogs and news and funny stuff. I think it’s been oddly therapeutic for me to continue on with the site. Like I said, one foot in front of the other. So maybe it’ll stay up for awhile.
“When you don’t know what to do, do nothing.” That’s one of my own making. Make no changes, commit to nothing new until you understand what’s going on.
Maybe it’s a survival technique to shut down the “care,” so you can get on with life. Maybe you can run out of tears.
If you want to dump on me, the comments section below is the perfect place. Like it says, IP addresses are not tracked or traced here. You can anonymously tell me what a piece of shit I am. Or log in and take credit for your remarks. I don’t care.